Young Writers Society

Hey Warrior,

You've got a cool idea going, and you've got your language and structure nicely set up. On reading it though, I find nothing really pops out or leaves a mark in my mind. The words just scroll past, and the meaning behind them seem to be a lot of nothing around a core of imagery and that last line, which is kind of cliché and could have been expressed in a more interesting way.

More on the technical side now, watch out for the repetitions of "fill" in the third stanza, which make the words glaze even more, and the rhyme is definitely forced in places (I'm thinking the cringe-worthy "you and I", which sounds terribly awkward), and the rhymes in the third stanza are very mediocre. I also think you've overdone it a bit on the adjectives, as they overload the poem in description and lose the main thread.

I'd suggest removing some of that excedent, and infusing some more meaning, or at least focus your images into something that isn't just a succession of half-hearted musings.

Wow Warrior Princess, just wow. This is a impressive piece of work, and original may I dare so. I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer. Right off the bat you know I loved this. And that's basically true the utter beauty conveyed in this and the end which wasn't expected but fit so well. It took skill to write this, obviously time as well.

Where to begin? it's often the case stars are used to describe love or measure up to love, but it doesn't appear like you are at first which is the beauty of subtly in my opinion. You draw us on with wonderful evocative imagery, that just is amazing, but if I had to choose a favourite line. Let me reread quickly.

O brilliant star, a queen upon the ebony throne of sky
Against the dark of nothingness you stand serene and high.

I like this poem because it compares a star to a human.
It didn't seem to rhyme if it was supposed to.
Well that's all this dragon can say,bye.

The poem confused me a lot to where i did not know if you were talking about love or the nighttime. The poem seems to be forced and that makes it sound not so good. To me it looked jumbled and i had a hard time reading it. I was somewhat bored but then it seemed to get better to be so short.

But over all i found it to be good.

Arg, your rhyme, it annoys me a little bit. Maybe it's a little forced?

When you shine so far above me, can you hear my silent cry?

rises ever to the stars?